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Self Sabotage

March 13, 2011 11:26pm

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  • #1 / Mar 13, 2011 11:26pm

    Davcon

    110 posts

    Tonight I offered a member of this forum (who will remain safely anon) $1000 for a couple of weeks of part time assistance with a website I’m working on plus 800 dollars bonus if we finish the job before 1st April.  I also assured him that I was confident that I could match his earnings from his current job - probably straight away but certainly within three months.  In all probability however, he would have been earning more than his regular job within the first week.  My only conditions were that he doesn’t do anything unethical towards me or my clients and that he sticks to the CI manual as closely as possible.

    He’d be working from home, doing what he loves and getting more money, more freedom and more respect than in his current job.  He would also not be putting his current daytime job at any risk in any way at all.  Furthermore, he would have been free to take on as much or as little as he wanted.  Finally, if he ever did work for me on a more full time basis in the future then he would have been freelance and as such free to do any other projects he wanted, including his own ‘dream projects’.  Not a bad offer, right?

    However, to my surprize he’s just said no.  The reason he has offered is that his ‘gut instint’ told him that he didn’t want to work with me.  I invited this person to show me a single example of anything I’d said which was in any way hurtful, attacking or negative. He didn’t… or couldn’t.

    So, I have a question.  Why are there so many talented developers who are brilliant at coding but utterly hopeless at handling their own careers?

  • #2 / Mar 14, 2011 12:50am

    InsiteFX

    6819 posts

    Hi David C,

    He said that because he probably could not do the job!

    Well if I went by my gut instints I would not be where I am today!

    If you do not take chances in your life you will never get anywhere’s
    and you will never know if it would have worked out for you.

    InsiteFX

  • #3 / Mar 14, 2011 7:51am

    Davcon

    110 posts

    Thanks for that. 

    I’m sure this person could technically do the job but apart from that I think you’re absolutely right!  I think we all have the right to quietly dislike someone but let’s exercise that right in a non offensive way and let’s not allow gut instinct guide us on important career decisions.

    Isn’t it interesting how most of the people who allow gut instinct to guide their decision making processes are (let’s say) financially challenged?

    Gimme rational deductive reasoning over gut instinct any day!

  • #4 / Mar 14, 2011 8:17am

    Wuushu

    103 posts

    Maybe he calculated and weighed his options, and found your option be less reliable than the work he currently holds. I’m not saying that’s how it is. Your offer could have been a 1000 times better. But this is just a guess as to what he could have thought…

    PS. And just because he didn’t go with your option doesn’t mean he can’t handle his career. Who are you to dictate what’s best for someone, unless your own interests weighs heavier than his own..

    My 0.02

  • #5 / Mar 14, 2011 8:28am

    Davcon

    110 posts

    Well, he’s made his choice.  He has to live with that and I have to respect it.  End of.

  • #6 / Mar 14, 2011 9:51am

    Davcon

    110 posts

    ...and he’s a good guy.

    On a personal level I think he’s cool and I hope he does well.  I’m just slightly sad that it didn’t go the right way.  It’s a shame.

  • #7 / Mar 14, 2011 2:11pm

    Developer13

    574 posts

    .

  • #8 / Mar 14, 2011 2:47pm

    Davcon

    110 posts

    “some guy” is offensive.

    “my gut instinct tells me not to trust you” (or words to that effect) is offensive.

    “who in their right minds, would opt to give it up…” is not relevant.  Once again, you were not being asked to quit or compromise your job in any way.

    There is no “lengthy and negative tirade” from me. Not even now.


    There’s lots of talented web developers here who are financially challenged.  Clearly you’re not in that category and I’m sorry if I gave that impression.

    Good luck to you!

  • #9 / Mar 14, 2011 3:54pm

    Developer13

    574 posts

    .

  • #10 / Mar 14, 2011 4:21pm

    Wuushu

    103 posts

    My gut-feeling says you made the right choice.

    I’m just slightly sad that it didn’t go the right way.

    This. I would be very hesitant of working under anyone not being able to see anyone else’s opinion for what it is, rather than “wrong”.

  • #11 / Mar 14, 2011 5:17pm

    Davcon

    110 posts

    What you call “gut-feeling” I call irrational negative judgement towards a person whom you know dick all about.

    I’m out of here.  Goodbye.

  • #12 / Mar 14, 2011 6:01pm

    Developer13

    574 posts

    .

  • #13 / Mar 15, 2011 1:04pm

    BrokenLegGuy

    70 posts

    What you call “gut-feeling” I call irrational negative judgement towards a person whom you know dick all about.

    I’m out of here.  Goodbye.

    The first thing that you need to learn about business before you start one is that you cannot take business decision personally. Business is, should be, business and nothing more.

    Developer13 was taking an objective step back to evaluate the proposal presented to him. Since he doesn’t seem to know you and vise versa you are just “some guy”. Nothing negative, nothing personal.

    You can’t fault him for his decision because you didn’t like how he came about it. That processes seems to have worked well for his career path. When you have a family the word “potential” means absolutely nothing. You can’t provide for your family with “potential”...it doesn’t pay the bills because it isn’t reality. That’s not to say it wouldn’t someday become reality but until that happens it’s worth nothing and from my experiences kids like to eat everyday, 3+ times a day at that…. 😉

    How would you describe a conversation you had with someone you didn’t know to you friends? “Some guy was talking to me about <story>something…</story>”

    Relying on a “gut feeling” is not a bad thing. I have come to trust my gut more than my brain. The reason is because your brain can/will make excuses to legitimize a thought process about a situation and a “gut feeling” is instinct. I’m sure there’s been a situation where you’ve made a decision because of a feeling.

    Looking at this particular situation objectively, since I don’t know either of you…. Developer13 saved both of you a miserable work relationship that would lead to an eventual blow out and acid reflux for all involved 😊.

    I think you need to re-evaluate if you’re ready to take on employees by answering this question. If I was treated, by my boss, the way I treat my employees, would I want to work for me? This is something that you need to take off forum and answer for yourself.

    There’s my two cents…

    Whew,

    Ed

  • #14 / Mar 15, 2011 1:10pm

    Developer13

    574 posts

    .

  • #15 / Mar 15, 2011 4:32pm

    Davcon

    110 posts

    I think you need to re-evaluate if you’re ready to take on employees by answering this question. If I was treated, by my boss, the way I treat my employees, would I want to work for me? This is something that you need to take off forum and answer for yourself.

    Ed

    Perfectly well meaning, perfectly well intentioned, perfectly well put… but totally off the mark.

    I wasn’t planning and I am not planning on being anyone’s boss.  He would have been freelance.  His own man.  He would have been free to continue his way of life, including his job and any other ventures of his choosing.  The precise phrase I chose at the time was “a fair split”.  That hardly has all the hallmarks of some power hungry boss.

    I have more respect for Web13 than anyone else on this forum (correction, “had”).  The idea of me being his boss is absurd.  It would be like Oliver Hardy giving dance lessons to Michael Jackson.

    I was just trying to give him what I thought was a very fair and rather good offer of work.  With or without “potential” it was a pretty good offer.  I happen to think he threw it back in my face in a rather hurtful and offensive manner.  I can say that because I was at the receiving end.  I was there.  Had the positions been reversed then I would have handled things differently.  Maybe I would have said no too but I definitely wouldn’t have conducted myself in that manner.

    We all get bad vibes from time to time.  We all have gut instinct (or at least a feeling that we have gut instinct).  We all meet people whom we don’t like for one reason or another.  The difference is, most of us don’t go around saying to people, “Well I don’t know you but for some strange reason I have a bad feeling about you”.

    I don’t think that’s intelligent and it’s certainly not a prime example of diplomatic social skills.

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